Less than a decade ago, the term diva was reserved for a select few. Divas were women like Miriam Makeba, Aretha Franklin. Nowadays, a diva, is any woman under thirty who thinks she is. Most of our known divas, court public attention in tight skirts and get frequent mention in youth magazines. Nairobi has more than its fair share of such women. The diva complex has caught on, thanks to the ever present galaxy of foreign pop divas who dominate the international celebrity entertainment pages with their riotous off stage antics rather than captivating music. A little attitude takes you a long way ironically because men are still enthralled by babes with prominent parts. Nice women just do not cut it. This country is filled with stories of nice girls left by the wayside holding broken hearts. It appears, the next generation picked up on the lesson and with a little inspiration from Britney they have the attitude game figured.
Like crafty cats, they have learnt how to show skin and claws all in one swing. All women have the ability to get emotional on a prickle. But the ability to powerfully express that emotion is the preserve of the diva. Since men are genetically programmed to save such women from themselves, the diva complex has become quite fashionable. A character type that is ambiguous, constantly changing unpredictably and with such great frequency, it leaves us dazed. Before you know it, you are engulfed. Now you must move in beat with every tear, respond to every sigh and find it within yourself to empathize with every new tragedy. Crying makes us thoroughly uncomfortable.
There is a rather common misconception among our younger women that rolling onto your 20’s will radically improve the quality of life. Talk about the illusion of freedom. All that is required of them in exchange is to look sexy, all the time. Throw in a little attitude and men are drawn. What’s life without drama? We are a generation of drama junkies.
After 17, girls abruptly start to believe that everyone is judging them by their hair. Then it gets to the head and it’s all about hair. Long and wavy is the look, preferably the kind that you can gently brush off your face while conversing. A man starts dating a woman and quickly notices that he is spending a lot of money on the upkeep of her hair. Once she realizes that no man in his right mind will let a sexily dressed woman at the bar with good hair, buy her second drink, she can pretty much order anything she fancies, as long as can pay for the first drink. Carry your equally fine looking friend with good hair along and the men in the bar will quickly form coalitions all strategizing on how to beat the competition and hook your attention. That sort of constant adulation then leads to the sorry belief that they cannot deal with public attention because men always want to sleep with them. Enter fuzzy diva territory. Ex boyfriends in the litter bin and there is new pride in finding a man who proves he is worthy by catering to your newfound high standards.
So now we find ourselves suddenly very exposed to jaded 24 year olds who just want to settle down and have kids. Old hands retiring from the game after years of playing diva and prepared to serve anyone who will help them maintain the projected standard.
In their wake, a new generation has been born, women so beautiful, so dumb and blonde for whom the mere adulation they receive as ‘hot women’ is not sufficient to live by.
Back then, beauty was somewhat rounded. There was some sense of distinction between the ‘super fine’ and the average. Women managed to appear pleasant to the eye without too much effort and not look plastic. Mystery was sustained and sexiness was implied. Those beauties of the old have slowly faded away.
With the proliferation of cosmetics, false hair and constricting fabric, the clear lines of distinction between ‘hot and average’ have been blurred. Today it is all about parts and the bigger the better; Body parts that emphasis sex is the new beauty standard. Think prominent backsides, low slung cleavage and seemingly firm thighs exaggerated by tight jeans. Basically sex on two legs and they cater for all fancies. Are you a legs man? Are you a boobs guy or is big bottoms your thing? Any will do because men of my generation are a lot easier to hypnotize. A woman walks into a room with any one of the mentioned assets and she is guaranteed to get one of us drooling, if only momentarily until the next best thing distracts us.
In fact, so long as the woman in question has something to show, she pops onto the radar and by extension making her desirable. However, given the ruthless competition about, it takes a little more than a big booty to keep the boys interested. The clincher in this case is attitude.
Which brings me to my next point- Campus Divas For Rich Men Only
If you occasionally pop into Facebook you may have come across the topic-Campus Divas for Rich Men. I am aware like some my colleagues on radio, that merely commenting on the raunchy Facebook group will draw curious eyeballs to their page. For those back from Mars, in a nutshell, a group of young females purporting to represent the country’s university campuses formed an online group offering sex in exchange for ‘a-good-time’ that only the rich can afford. The mechanics are simple. Girls post pictures in varying lewd states of undress. Those intrigued are expected to send private messages to the preferred candidate to begin negotiations.
The reactions to the group were characterized by shock and dismay and much reference was made to’ the end of times’. I would like to offer my two cents on this issue.
In our modern times, divas are women with an inflated sense of their own beauty. Good looks and sexual prowess are assets to be traded in the open market in a strategic lay-your-way-up the social ladder. Beauty equals happiness, a trophy that supposed rich men are at pains to acquire. The ambitious cute young ladies long for happiness over there, across the fence where bank notes hang like ripe fruit. Spread the legs, open sesame and life is made. On other hand the men long for validation that only money can buy.
These are merely reflections of the time. The facade of sexual purity is chipping and society’s true fantasies are in the open. New online mediums allow people to maximize their fantasies built on severe longing. Fulfillment has been reduced to regular orgasms and money to burn, because our-make-reality is all about keeping up with Kardashians.
Fantasy love is better than real love and in the absence of the latter; we create reality in our own image.
Makeba image source: playheroes.co.za
Oyunga, the Facebook page is fake, I’ve seen at least 2 photos on there float around the internet for years. And one of the girls isn’t even Kenyan. Interesting article nonetheless.
Nene, I figured as much hence the term ‘purporting’. What irks though is how loosely the term diva is thrown around. Glad you liked it.
I agree OP, they term diva is misused and misunderstood. Our ladies are quick to call themselves divas and they have no idea who or what a diva is. Thank you for enlightening them on the same. Nene, I agree. The site must be a fake run by people of low intellect, I have been seen some of those photos before, some as far back as 4 years ago through spam email. So yes, they are fakes and common floozies. OP, great article and properly and well articulated sentiments.
Whether the page is fake or not, its common knowledge that these things are happening in our universities. I like how you analyzed the Diva syndrome, this is a good piece.
Kabuchi,very true. All of us who went through any of the Kenya Universities know that this is not just fiction. Campuses are filled with rot and misbehaviour. These things are happening-everyday, all the time. The hunt for the all mighty shilling is messing up our morals. Kenya like most African nations, is westernizing so fast that the thin line between right and wrong, morally correct and filthy is crossed every other time and in every possible way
Is that really “westernizing”?? or is it simply deteriorating moral standards? Campus girls seeking their happiness in the Benz of an elder men dishing out drinks, pocket money, or car and apartment, where the girl keeps smiling and makes him feel confident about another of his investments; THAT is actually unheard of in the west. Why?? Better distribution of wealth?? More healthy self-esteem of girls?? With sufficient pocket money provided even by the single parent, and the occasional student job easily available, which girl would ever feel attracted to an old guy, only because he has a job that sustains family plus mistress?? Its certainly not because of deviance in moral standards, but deviance in riches spoil the party for the men in suits and their campus diva companions in the West.
@ Mariam; I rarely come across such powerful response as the one you’ve put across. We surely have sunk so low. At least there are still people thinking; shooting straight in our midst. Thanks; keep it up.
On OP’s piece your writing is always top notch, keep up the good work.
The Western world created the term “gold digger.” And the Western world has as many university students dating older men. I spent 18 yrs, of which 6 were in college in the US. During both undergrad and masters, girls would date older men and exchange sexual favors for gifts/money. And let’s not forget some of my college friends who did “escort” work where they’d ‘escort’ older men to parties/events and offer sexual favors for money. further, most strip clubs were staffed by students working their way through college. Each has a dream to meet a rich older man to pay her school fees. I completely disagree that this is unheard of in the West…but totally agree that the root cause is lack of moral standards…
OP, u nailed it. We have just but so many attention seeking ladies who have been completely brainwashed into thinking that the in thing is to be a diva, unfortunately they got the term all wrong. I really wish the clock was revised and the ladies went back to seventies, where beauty was real, born, not made in a salon and a cosmetic shop.
This is very well put good Sir. There are very many floozy-like women masquerading as divas. We are a generation in great trouble, trying to fix broken people as opposed to raising great people. God help us!
You do hit the nail on the head Oyunga and ask the same question i do albeit in different terms. “How does Mwende and her ilk transform into divas?” Nene and Oyunga i agree that in my own assessment these are not campus girls but some women of easy vitue with an entrepreneural mind to get money by purporting to be campus girls. A few campus girls may have actually be drawn into this. But these are the not so connected. the Connected girls as Kabuchi points out have been there longer and operate in a different circle other than this. The gullible or should i say lecherous older men who respond in hoping of bagging and tagging a few “fresh” young things will be confronted by seasoned even though presentable sex workers. I know they are sex workers from just the way the speak.
fake or not its such a shame that “ladies”would stoop that low and tarnish the image of true divas.
How sure are we that these girls are even in the university? I think its just a myth + fantasy taken too far.
OP,
Well said.
Diva is as Diva does. To be classified as a Diva needs to be earned, not bandied around like the word B****tch. Whatever the case, dudes just need to collectively use the weapon that effectively neutralizes them trashy girls that have suddenly popped up all around us; Ignore Ignore Ignore. Yeah, works like magic. Just pretend that you’re busy in whatever it is you are engaged in and the results will surprise you. No drooling please.
Which brings me to my next point. Pray tell, when will you roll out a Men’s mag ala Adam? Whatever happened to publications like Joe magazine of the ’70s. i devoured my dads collection with a passion despite being a cheeky little boy.
It’s about time dudes got well represented among all the glossy girlie stuff that’s suffocating us from all directions. OP, you fit the bill. Time to rise to the occasion… er… not in that sense!
Thanks Jimmy, it is work in progress. The magazine industry is precarious and we have not given up entirely. I will attempt to rise to the occasion…no pun intended.
You have spoken (wriiten) like 10 people combined. The term Diva has lost its meaning, beauty is skin deep and intelligence discourse very shallow…
“Fulfillment has been reduced to regular orgasms and money to burn, because our-make-reality is all about keeping up with Kardashians.” Priceless!
I am, and have always been, a fan of your writing, Mr. Pala. Awesome read once again. One thing though, and it’s not related to your post, I’m trying to subscribe to your blog but I can’t. Something technical, I think. Could you make that possible tafadhali? For those of us who would like to receive your posts via email? Pretty please? 🙂
Thanks Angela. That is kind of you. I will get the subscription feed sorted. Do drop by again.
I have not checked in here for a while because I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are good quality so I guess I will add you back to my daily bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂
Am surprised the women aren’t killing you because of this post…
I am just the messenger…don’t shoot the messenger.
In the psychology of current affairs. There is this need to have one’s needs( shelter, foods, clothing and now other bodily, say fantasies) fulfilled. It starts from the hippopotamus, all the way to the frontal cortex and one thing similar to animals is that we will look for the solutions based on our preprogrammed genetic code; coordinated by the hormonal cycles.. If one is hungry, it registers that he/she has to eat and starts to find out where the source of this food will come from, you either go to your ATM get cash and buy food or to the farm, harvest and eat/cook. the same applies to the other needs. In short, one has to work to get the needs fulfilled.
In Oyungas’ famous articles on man talk these things came up, repugnant by the same big bottomed women baying for his blood. In most salons, the talk is that a man just needs food( hmm if you think about that then you are aiming too high) so they made foods of all kinds but this didn’t end it. Then came the talk that men just love sex. This has been the latest so called presupposition about the modern man.
So going back to the fulfillment of needs theory, a woman needs her needs especially love and family ) to be fulfilled, since most women can work hard to pay rent and but food anyway. So her way of working hard to get them ( love and get married or hooked up) is to show off her a big butt, chest, light skin, etc in order to get a man fulfill her needs. By the way, there is so much competition amongst the women on this beauty thing.
To MOST men, this is equivalent to the mating season on Natgeo. Animal see smelling pussy ( pheromones) animal mates as many animal as possible and this helps to propagate the species.
Women please note that this is what is happening. There is no love at all on these things we see all over town. Its the mating game of life and the psychology of men is a simple as that.
Good read, apparently this thing has been going on from time immemorial, or so my elder aunts and female colleagues have made me to believe. I fear that the future of the youth with respect to proper relationships is looking rather bleak…
It all used to move in the same vein. I don’t know when the split happened. But it happened… if things only remained as they were. As a young boy, it was fact, the girl you were most happy to be around, was (just your amazing luck) also the girl whom you thought was the prettiest girl in class. The one you wanted the most,sexually, was the one you found yourself laughing mostly with; There was no separateness. The two could not be pulled apart,like a tea bag in hot water. Then, one day..the DISTINCTNESS comes along. One day in Form One, or Standard Eight, you find yourself with the thoughts of a Reductionist Lover.”Look at the tits on that”.
You have began on the road of infinite, self-invited complexities by adding a new woman to your life; The “Girl I’m not ashamed of Fucking” When you were young and foolish, you used to look for things that set her above and apart; Now that you are old and wise, you look for excuses that allow you to sleep with her.
A woman in a sexy dress used to be a pursuit in sensuality, now it’s an exercise in your tolerances and an engorging of your senses. You used to find imperfections beautiful,now you find them as something you can get over. Later on, as you grow even more limber, older and wiser, you will add an even newer woman to your life. “woman I’m not ashamed of falling in love with”
Does the DISTINCTNESS comes upon us, or do we force it upon ourselves. To mask the first of the give-ups, the first of the inevitable little-deaths, and talk-yourself-out-of-it.
I blame Capitalism. No young boy ever fears not being worthy of her, only of being misunderstood; of the embarrassment of not being understood…then capitalism comes in.
*sigh. To live in a world where True Happiness was just as sexy as Success.
Enter. Campus Divas.
Great read and analysis..Now if only the men would seek for more than the weaved up and made up blondes and look for the true beauty in a woman-the inner beauty. then, would we be making progress.
It all used to be in the same vein. I don’t know how the split happened, but it happened.
As a boy, fact, the girl that you were happiest around (just your amazing luck) just always happened to be the girl whom you thought was the prettiest girl in class. The girl whom you were most attracted to, sexually, was also the one you found yourself laughing mostly with.
There was no separateness. And it was obvious, even at its most coy. You could not pull the two concepts apart, like a tea bag in hot water.
Then, one day in Standard Eight, or Form One..the oldest of your child states,you catch yourself, once in a while, thinking the thoughts of a reductionist lover. “Look at the tits on that”.
Congratulations, you have just began on the road of infinite, self-invited, complexities by adding a new girl to your life. “Girl I’m not ashamed of fuckin”.
You used to gem the things that set them above and apart when you were young and foolish. Now that yu are older and wiser, your look for excuses that allow you to sleep with her. A sexy dress used to be a pursuit in sensuality, now it’s an exercise in your tolerances and an engorging of your senses.
You used to find the imperfections of your lovers beautiful, now your find them as something yu can get passed.
Later, when you are even more nimble, limber, older and wiser, you will add an even newer woman to ur life. “Woman I’m not an ashamed of falling in love with”
I’m not sure if the DISTINCTNESS comes upon us, or if we force it upon ourselves, to mask the first of our give-ups, first of our little-deaths, our think-about-its and talk-yourself-out-of-its.
I blame our Capitalist World. No young boy is ever afraid of not being worthy of her. They fear not being understood in public. Boys fear their poor communication skills. Behind their closed eyes everything is in symphony for everyone. (Can’t you see it, silly)
..Then come the capitalists. And the fear. And the falling into place.
*sigh To live in a world where Happiness was just as sexy as Success..
Enter Campus Divas
Couldn’t have put it any better, a fantastic read for sure
I paid a visit to demaithasblog.wordpress.com/ Good stuff especially liked the Rongai piece.
Thank you very much OP, coming from a writer like you, it’s really humbling.
Hey deMaitha, keep at it and we will keep reading.
Incredibly well put. I cringe each time I hear a lady call herself a diva because this days it really just symbolizes attention seeking, trashy and blonde. Great piece right there Oyunga Pala.
Thank you. Well written. Where do you write these days in mainstream papers. The bar for writing is very low. Wish you were back.
Thanks Gerald. I run a column in the Standard newspaper in the Crazy Monday magazine called Crazy Kenyans. Check out it and I post on this site every Monday. Do drop by again.
Sad! This recent Cyberspace sideshow .Is it really worth the attention it gets.And that picture no no no NO! …. but reality check, Now this word Diva? As in a political party ‘Diver for So and So’. Oh no! At this rate, I am not to sure that the word should be a compliment these days, at least not in Kenya.
This is feminism gone apey.
The answer to feminism gone apey is called the Red Pill.
‘Women managed to appear pleasant to the eye without too much effort and not look plastic. Mystery was sustained and sexiness was implied. Those beauties of the old have slowly faded away’…need not say more!!!!!!!
And one word or the Campus Divas….’Disgusting’
FOR REFLECTION: They say that the loudest noise is made by…. ??? so relating that to The Social Media….?? Do connect the dots.
For those who care about the quality of their lives and have more than a fleeting sense of hope and inspiration in life I choose to share this quotation:
‘A strong, successful man is not the victim of his environment. He creates favorable conditions. His own inherent force and energy compel things to turn out as he desires.’
( Plus I would like to add, with God’s blessings.)
Orison Swett Marden
The group was a hoax though i still believe that some girls,not necessarily from campus are active in the practise purported. It is quite unfortunate how decency as a word bears no weight in our society today..
Pala your article was outstanding as always,job well done.
It’s unfortunate how girls nowadays think that being trashy is the in thing & decency is frowned upon…….truly sad:( I’m glad you wrote this piece O-younger,totally priceless:)
Hilarious read..maddeningly true..women are becoming more superficial,materialistic and self centered..and trust me, talk to primary and high school kids and its the same thing!!!”the bigger the better, the tighter the sweater” mentality. Men are fueling this insanity…you are also to blame. How these women are behaving now and how you treat them is how your daughters will behave and how some fella will treat them. The present is a glimpse of your future..take positive action..tell your girlfriends,your friends who are girls,your sisters to act like ladies and to have some dignity.If you do nothing you have no right to complain..shut up and enjoy the disastrous show!
I really like minimalist designs. Leonardo da Vinci said that “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”, and that I think this can be also used in web structure. Just to say, I like.
Powerful and outstanding. Keep telling us the truth OP. Nice read though.
NICE ONE TRUTH ALWAYS HURTS
I’m in my 20’s the other end anyway,and I find that my life is boring after reading this. I happen to think this is the result of an imbalance in dating and relationships hence the need to make it worthwhile if your going to get your heartbroken, nonetheless its embarrassing and gives a bad name to females who respect themselves.
Like all have said, the word Diva has totally lost it’s meaning. In fact, I would be so enraged if someone referred tome as a Diva! I would feel insulted because nowadays
Diva=trashy, cheap, skimpy, fake, desperate!
One favor from our brothers I’d like to ask; we (read the society) needs your help. If only you would quit drooling over these ladies and just ignore, with time they would realize they are not getting the desired results and quit their sick habits!
Have some pride sisters!
Another great piece from you Sir.
I toooootlay agree the term Diva used to come with some sense of esteem and respect, now its thrown around…maybe its time we coined another name for the Real Divas
As always, Nice read OP. You are always refreshing to read.
I shall get douchy and post a long reply. Feel free to exclude it in your comments, since this is the rambling of a young guy who was dumped by his girlfriend once she realized she could be a “Diva”
I don’t like the wannabe Diva. Same goes for those women who think that being “empowered” means hating men & putting them down at any chance they get.
But, the Diva might be a result of men behavior. (yes I said it!!) The simple rule of demand and supply might work here.
Good girls go nowhere in this current age. It’s cruel, but unless a woman commits herself to being good at all expenses, they end out on the losing end. I’m a male. What if I was a good female? wait for a good man to come by? Yeah right.
As a guy, when I want a good girl, I shall try to break her moral codes & sleep with her. It’s nothing evil, it’s a natural compulsion. It’s a win-win for the man since if she turns “bad” by sleeping with him too early he still got a unique lay, and first dibs. If she holds out on me, I shall beg, & if she still holds, I shall get curious about her and slowly I shall fall in love with her personality.
However, In this current age, a woman who holds sex as the weapon of intrigue is rather foolish. She competes against other naive easier girls who love sex, and care less about husbands. But more so, she competes against my computer where I get any kind of girl, any body shape and any size of whatever. I know it’s not the same as being with a woman, but combined with one girl who I can have sex with, I can still wait for the “good” girl to cave in, or grow old and die a virgin.
The solution that women come up with is turning into empowered diva’s. It’s a gamble, but at least they’re not sitting in their homes praying for a man from the skies. The best case scenario is that they get a man foolish enough to swallow their falseness until the wedding altar. The worst case scenario is that the men they are using realize there shall always be fresh “empowered” women ready to join university, get their freedom, escape their over-bearing parents into a freedom of parties, free drinks, begging men and a career.
guess who wins.
“very exposed to jaded 24 year olds who just want to settle down and have kids”. At 23, my heart sunk. Because that statement is copacetic Oyunga. In a country where most toil to be a ‘with it’ socialite, substance loses significance. Like when recently, they discovered the word sapio-sexual. The word, just like diva etc now dangles like pearls on pigs.