I am invisible. A native Kenyan in the midst of cheerful expatriates. I am the only black person in this house party excluding the servants tinkering around in starched white uniforms. They all switch to sheng whenever they have to speak to me. The party of guests is seated on a garden patio that pans out onto this perfectly manicured lawn lined by a colorful hedge. A crystal clear pool lies on one end of the compound leaving about enough idle space for an Ostrich farm. I am the invited guest. The writer. The token local, a good add to the mix.
Meet ‘O-younger Parlour’, the Kenyan friend.
There is a generation gap. The mean age is 55. Second life individuals with grown children in college, enjoying per diem benefits in a hardship African city. They arrived in foreign ports seeking to engage with Africans who are not subordinate. They are eager to hear their thinking and understand their perspective.
An elderly English woman is speaking with a hint of regret in her voice.
“The country is going to the dogs and it’s such a crying shame. Lake Naivasha is drying up. The port in Lamu will destroy all the mangroves, the coral colonies and with it the unique bio-diversity”.
I nod sympathetically and add that environmental impact assessment standards have improved in the past few years. Her response is quick,
“But the corruption is terrible, I read it in the papers everyday and nothing is being done about it”.
I try and reason that the judiciary has teeth under new constitution and it is not as easy to get away with corruption in these times. She shakes her head slowly,
“I don’t know about that…You sound well educated. Did you study overseas?”
“Actually I went to school locally”
“Oh! Was that a private school?”
“ No, regular government school”.
“Interesting, and in which part of the country?”
“The Rift valley”.
“I love the Rift valley. I once took a drive out to Lake Bogoria. It is heavenly. I remember sunrise at the edge of the escarpment and I felt at one with humanity”.
She kept talking…
“You know, I always talk my askari to understand what the real Kenyan feels about all this corruption going on. What he tells me breaks my heart. My husband and I thinking of adopting his little Francis since his mother died. He is such a bright and sweet boy”.
I slip into whining mode.
‘It is a pity. Our political leaders do not have the people’s interest at heart’.
She quickly pips in,
“Tragic isn’t it? Kenya has everything going for it. A beautiful landscape, good malls and the weather is excellent. But by the way things are going politically, I might think of taking up that a new position in London. The other day they were gunshots not far from where we live and the Al Shabaab terrorists. It is all little too much for me”.
Then she pauses reflectively.
“Someone told me the other day that, that I needed to get out of the comfort zone every so often and I told them, I am always out of the comfort zone”.
As she yaks on, I look around her comfort zone again. Swimming pool and a hammock dangling between two palm trees in sight. I would be in no rush to leave this comfort zone.
“So, O-younger, am I pronouncing it right”.
“Yes, a little less emphasis on the O”.
“Am curious, you very articulate, do you travel a lot?”
“Not much, I picked up the accent from watching CNN”.
“That’s hilarious, so tell me, what do you do?”
“I write for a living”.
“Really! that is so exciting. You know what you should really write about? There is a woman in Karen who has a woodcraft workshop that employs 50 poor women from slums living with AIDS . Most of them abandoned but they make amazingly beautiful beadwork”.
Then off she goes on that tangent,
“There are so many positive stories like this to write. The papers do not seem bothered. I could find her contacts and she would very happy to host you”.
I mumble my way through the request and give a half measured pledge to look up the reference. She has ‘maswali kama ya polisi’ ( questions like a policeman).
“Are you married?”
“No”.
“Maybe I should introduce you someone. I know a really nice Kenyan girl I think you should meet. But wait, she is Kakuyu. That might be a problem right? Because you are Luwo and the tribal thing and all, I do not get it. I think the solution lies in a wider middle class, educated people who can engage in sober minded debate and understand the principles of a democracy. I still think you should meet her. Because brilliant and educated modern Kenyans, like you are the future of this nation”.
I wait. No telephone number forthcoming.
We are joined by another couple. Ted and Jean. First time in Kenya. They love it, they think it is aa-mazing! especially the Mara. I learn details about the best camping deals and sights untold.
“Have you been to the Mara O-younger?
“Not yet”.
“Well, you must go, drop me an email and I will recommend really a splendid place with excellent service. The croissants were to die for!”
I feel a tap on my shoulder. It is the host. “Need a refill Parlour!” The booze is making all this bearable. He turns to the elderly lady I was speaking to, “Interesting chap, isn’t he?” She smiles broadly, “So refreshingly different from most Kenyans I have met”.
The invisible man is a persona I adapt when playing the educated local stereotype lost in the white-dominated expatriate gathering. In Kenya, where worlds are so far apart, a simple soiree in the Spring Valley suburbs sometimes feels like stepping into another world outside my typical realm of reality. I remain aware that Kenya can offer its best or worst depending on what type of glasses one dons on. I am not in denial about the challenges of the country. I simply do not dwell on them or see the ghost of corruption and tribalism in everything that is wrong with it. Besides, the issues are too complex to warrant a persistent defensive stance.
So I play invisible because there is really no point of a stirring up a Black Panther fit whenever the West is compared to Kenya out of context. These are the gated communities amongst us. They may be geographical within the same locale but existing in entirely parallel realities. In a post Agrarian society that is getting a little ahead of itself they present a false ideal and one that many locals aspire to. Race relations in Kenya are still ruled by a colonial mindset hierarchy (superiority by virtue of skin colour) and even when you think you are color blind in one’s thinking, in certain circles you will always be reminded of obvious fact of white privilege in modern Kenya.
How, oh how, did you survive this?
Wait, a clue… “The booze is making all this bearable.”
At least you got something out of what seems to have been a night as bizarre as it was horrid.
“I am not in denial about the challenges of the country. I simply do not dwell on them or see the ghost of corruption and tribalism in everything” . . . this I like and wish more people would do the same.
I agree.
….I wait. No telephone number
forthcoming….
Hehehehe…that part cracked me up..
It was a nice read OP..and its not the ‘booze making it bearable’….hehheheh
Great observation,
some of these “expats” have chapa-d like 30 years in Kenya ; can run a tough bargain ritual for mtumba shoes, yet they still consider themselves outside & above the ordinary Kenyan. My way of seeing things is that you are Kenyan if you live in a place long enough to understand tribalism, corruption and the threat of poverty. A prisons’ police is not a prisoner by name, but in reality, they are shut in along with the prisoners, until the end of their shift. prisoners simply have longer shifts.
These guys also know the motivation towards corruption, but they act like they don’t understand why an underpaid civil servant might consider extra income.
The thing is, you should try get them from their high horses and ask them local questions like; “how do you like Thika highway?” I’m glad they’re no potholes. Or inflation is really an issue, commodities like sukari have gone up double!
The best token black man thing is to allow them have you as their sounding board. say “yes and interesting” to all their proposals, because in their perspective,the difference between. you & their watchman is that you’re “bright” and might change Kenya only when guided by their solid advice. They might as well serve good booze while you’re at it.
I must say this is a great article i enjoyed reading it keep the good work 🙂
That for a person who articulates ideas well, you have to be schooled outside this country……is a view I detest.
Good read!
Laughed myself silly at the maswali ya polisi, I feel you, in the midst of expatriates it really does help pulling on the invisible cloak.
So true…and they all like to go on about how they’re not like other expats…
So true, sometimes is am glad I can look at life through your glass OP. They say only those who read can live in two worlds at the same time.
“Maybe I should introduce you to someone. I know a really nice Kenyan girl I think you should meet…”
What?
And who said that every single guy is sitting clueless waiting for an introduction to a “nice young lady” by some old folk??
Btw, their idea of “nice” is usually thousands of light years from ours!!!
“Nice girls” mostly turn out to be quiet psychos that any sane man knows to stay away from….
My thoughts drawn from personal limited dating experience though!! 🙂
Bet you really did not feel invisible. Too smart for that. Next time take a friend along.
Very nice read! Enjoyed a-lot!…Actually is a hilarious read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now imagine all those questions from a guy whose knowledge about your country is limited to CNN, discovery channel and travel networks.
They are not leaving for a position in London, get real. London is so competitive, they cannot survive a minute. They would live in the equivalent of Buru if lucky, more like Githurai. They would not be able to afford servants, and some will have to leave cars and use bikes to go shopping.
Look at this 1 bedroom apartment for 183,000/month to get an understanding of what they are going to get
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-35385595.html/svr/3102;jsessionid=6868E5B84194BBFA7C5FF7506C14AD1E?showcase=true
Many in their home countries are really despised, and by going to Africa is sort of “cleanses” them in their peers eyes.
Dark piece O-younger. Maybe the accent needs a little tweak by mingling more with such a crowd.
O-younger Parlour…….hehehe:) That photo up there speaks volumes!!! Lovely read!
“I picked up the accent from watching CNN” #dead
this article cracks me up !! LOL
I could bet several bucks you have been to the Mara….
accent from CNN? Do you have that in a country that has been run down by the political systems?
interesting read.
Excellent article as always! such an engrossing read. You should try your hand in books man or is it just me getting carried away?
In time Oloo, in time. Thanks for dropping by.
Interesting read….. The Old lady should get to read it too!!…
“Maybe I should introduce you someone. I know a really nice Kenyan girl I think you should meet. But wait, she is Kikuyu. That might be a problem right? Because you are Luo and the tribal thing and all, I do not get it….” Really??? this just cracked me up! Great read this is..
Great piece OP,correct me if I’m wrong looks like a similar piece you did when you were doing “Man talk “…
@OP, Yes it is, this is one from the archives. Glad you liked it.
Very nice read!
Man expats and KC’s really get on my nerves sometimes..but I like interacting with them because they see things differently and we always need people with a different perspective in life…helps us stay balanced.
Simply brilliant! Vintage OYUNGA at his best. Made my day man 🙂
Nice piece O-Younger…. (still in stitches over this one). And very enlightening too.
Why do I feel judged?
I heard a similar convo recently and while I may agree that not everything should be seen from the tribalism and corruption ‘glasses’ aren’t these two monsters threatening the very existence of our beloved Kenya. Look at the post election violence and I rest my case.
I wouldn’t have survived all that, just sit at one corner and wait for more reasonable ‘expat’ to have a lengthy conversation.
nice read…
Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is a really well written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.
hahahaha!
I wait. No telephone number forthcoming.
Too funny.They aren’t all like that though. . . some are enlightened. Others are still ignorant.My mzungu biology teacher was asked by my mzungu classmate why Kenyans are fast runners and then she said: survival of the fittest! Moments like these I really wish that I had a pet lion. . .