Silence is a safe space for men. Women tend to think infidelity is the ugly monster one must not speak of. Infidelity is something men never talk about anyway until they get caught and feel remorseful. It is the other emotional stuff such vulnerability, emasculation, loss of power and status that men try to keep a lid on.
Sex was so much deeper than what we were taught in the rough school of masculinity. What we saw out here was only the 10 per cent, the tip of the iceberg. The genital centred sexuality where pleasure is good. More pleasure is better. Sex is natural part of human development but in our society, there is no room allowed for honesty and understanding.
Traditional gender stereotypes allow us to trivialise the danger men face in relationships. It is weak men who get abused. Only abusive boyfriends get passionately murdered. A ‘real man’ never has to wake up in the middle of the night to see if his vitals are intact after a nasty argument with his wife.