Menu
  • Home
  • About OP
  • ARCHIVES
  • Podcast
  • Contact Us
Menu

Still Looking For A Gentleman?

Posted on August 21, 2013 by OP

 

Are you looking for a gentleman in the all the wrong places? One would think that otherwise gainfully employed adult women should have moved along from this level triviality but alas! It keeps popping up in social conversations. The target for the repetitive moan happens to be the Kenyan male around the dating scene. If stories circulating are anything to go by, plain good manners and etiquette is seriously lacking amongst men.  Men do not know how to behave around women and a simple act of courtesy from a man immediately turns him into a novelty. The kind that elicits the question, “You are not from around here, are you?”  These comparisons between Kenyan men and those from other nationalities have turned Nigerian men in local social spaces, into a stereotypical debonair gentleman. A man who knows how to say and do things that pleases a woman, keeping her best interest as the top priority.

Obviously, the standards of chivalry vary in different cultures and traditional Kenyan chivalry has often been scoffed at. The days when it meant something to acquire a plot of land and build a home for your woman seem to be behind us.  Women who inspired that level of motivation are also not as commonplace. In their position is a stream of wannabe divas seeking trophy gentleman to show off, chasing a fantasy that is plucked straight from TV.  This make- believe-world has spurned a list of illusionary expectations owed to women with good looks hooked to instant gratification.

This is why when the woman says, “I would like a gentleman” what most men hear is, “You want me to mimic some Mexican soap opera star on TV”. Most Kenyan men sincerely believe they are gentlemen but the script is different. They watched their fathers over the years and unlike him they regularly hug their wives and bring home pizzas. They try on occasion but the gentlemanly standard enshrined in film is not part of their upbringing and the mannerisms appear alien and illogical.

A man might not instinctually reach for the car door because he did not grow up around an automobile and his dad always entered the packed matatu first to secure the seats. He would never have thought to buy flowers because he only places flowers in the context of weddings and funerals. He won’t pull a chair for you because that is reserved for his ailing grandmother and you seem perfectly healthy. He won’t take you out for fine dining, because he cannot comprehend why anyone would good money to eat a crab!

But he can be a gentleman in other ways, by providing for his family, respecting his wife and being a good father to his children. Men want to be gentlemen in a way that makes sense to them.

Kenyan women in a quandary of mating choices should consider, the different value standard and make an effort to understand the gentlemanly language of Kenyan men. The ideal gentleman is always going to be the exception and there is no point looking for him in the open market. That is akin to demanding pink champagne at a budget nyama choma joint where one would be lucky to get cold beer.

In end, we attract what we are. You want a gentleman; start with being a lady of character and men will step up.

Image Source: http://clockwiseclothing.blogspot.com

Spread the love

6 thoughts on “Still Looking For A Gentleman?”

  1. pauline says:
    August 26, 2013 at 11:21 am

    So true Pala. Methinks mexican soaps should be banned! even kids names are changing to Lolita and Alelejando so annoying.

    Reply
  2. F_Ongre says:
    August 27, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Well put #OP. Women should stop westernizing the definition of gentlemen..
    ..and that part of getting onto the matatu first to secure the seats..heheheh…I can soooo relate o that..

    Reply
  3. Msichanamrembo says:
    August 31, 2013 at 2:44 am

    Still looking hard,funny thing is men now want a loaded lady

    Reply
  4. Phennah says:
    September 6, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    I like the helpful info you supply in your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog. Good luck for the next!

    Reply
  5. Kwach says:
    October 29, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    The logic behind chivalry was that women were weak and fragile and so had to be handled as such. The modern woman trashed this notion and went to Beijing to demand equal treatment. So we are merely complying with their demands,we havent lost our cham……..exept they wana have their cake n eat it

    Reply
  6. Capt. Jecinta says:
    February 25, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    My God, the finish, OP, the finish finished me!

    Fantastic piece…true, men want to be gentlemen in a way that makes sense to them

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Oyunga Pala is a pioneering satirist and columnist. He remains one of the most impactful, Kenyan columnists of his generation. He examines the texture of everyday life, moving away from the traditional idea of African men as victims of modernity and disillusion. His writings commonly feature the struggles of African men to maintain integrity as they navigate the pathways of power, fatherhood, memory, and existence.

Looking For Something?

FEATURED VIDEO

Recent Posts

  • Finding My Own Story – By The Sea.
  • Down the Amstel river
  • The Funeral
  • The Sex Museum
  • A Meditation For Winter

Archives

  • ►2022 (7)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►February (3)
    • ►January (3)
  • ►2021 (11)
    • ►December (3)
    • ►November (6)
    • ►June (1)
    • ►March (1)
  • ►2020 (1)
    • ►February (1)
  • ►2019 (1)
    • ►January (1)
  • ►2018 (26)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►July (1)
    • ►May (2)
    • ►April (3)
    • ►March (2)
    • ►February (4)
    • ►January (12)
  • ►2017 (76)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (4)
    • ►October (6)
    • ►September (6)
    • ►August (6)
    • ►July (7)
    • ►June (6)
    • ►May (8)
    • ►April (6)
    • ►March (8)
    • ►February (7)
    • ►January (6)
  • ►2016 (77)
    • ►December (5)
    • ►November (9)
    • ►October (8)
    • ►September (10)
    • ►August (12)
    • ►July (7)
    • ►June (4)
    • ►May (5)
    • ►April (4)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (5)
    • ►January (4)
  • ►2015 (57)
    • ►December (5)
    • ►November (5)
    • ►October (4)
    • ►September (3)
    • ►August (5)
    • ►July (4)
    • ►June (5)
    • ►May (4)
    • ►April (6)
    • ►March (6)
    • ►February (6)
    • ►January (4)
  • ►2014 (44)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (5)
    • ►October (4)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►August (5)
    • ►July (2)
    • ►June (1)
    • ►May (3)
    • ►April (5)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (2)
    • ►January (3)
  • ►2013 (37)
    • ►October (4)
    • ►September (2)
    • ►August (5)
    • ►July (4)
    • ►June (4)
    • ►May (4)
    • ►April (4)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (3)
    • ►January (3)
  • ►2012 (60)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (7)
    • ►October (6)
    • ►September (5)
    • ►August (7)
    • ►July (13)
    • ►June (16)
    • ►April (5)

Subscribe to our newsletter!

O Y U N G A P A L A

Oyunga Pala is a pioneering satirist and columnist. He remains one of the most impactful, Kenyan columnists of his generation. He examines the texture of everyday life, moving away from the traditional idea of African men as victims of modernity and disillusion. His writings commonly feature the struggles of African men to maintain integrity as they navigate the pathways of power, fatherhood, memory, and existence.

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Oyunga Pala © 2021