About That Government Delivery Portal

Does your life under the Jubilee government feel akin to being trapped in a marriage with a manipulative spouse? Do you feel you are under the oppressing control of a partner? You know its lies, damn lies but they convince you with alternative facts because they know like most Kenyans, you are bad in math and get easily overwhelmed with numbers.

If you feel you are being emotionally manipulated by the government’s PR machinery, then your suspicions are probably true.

Wanted: Single Men In Their 40s

They say life begins in the 40s. More like, reality, dawns at 40. The fourth decade of one’s life comes with its own varied bag of expectations for men and women. The first is the realization that youth is gone. You might not look your age but you will certainly feel it or be regularly reminded of it, every time some youth asks a dumb question like, ‘Who is Tina Turner?”

To be single in your forties and without child or spouse is a revolutionary statement for women these days, a far cry from the past when the unmarried older woman had to bear the pitiful title of spinster or an old maid.

Why Do Men Go Silent?

One of the first things that men quickly learn when they start coupling is to talk less and listen more. Experience teaches one that a closed mouth, gathers no foot. At some point, early in the relationship, a man figures that when a woman says she wants to talk which is the politically correct word for vent, it is translated to mean, “Do not reach for solutions or an alibi”.

When she says, we need to communicate, what a man hears is, “I demand an openhearted confession with full disclosure” which only serves to keep him firmly behind the iron curtain of silence.

Men and women communicate differently but it is not that men do not like talk. They just do not like to talk about some things. Those things that make them feel uncomfortable and out of control. In the universal male socialisation script, a man is brought up to speak to a woman’s heart, to say only those things that will make her happy and glad. It is a hard habit to shake off.

Sex Is Just The 10 Percent

Electricity has changed nightlife in shags. We do not interact with the night the same. I do not remember the last time I saw a fire fly. Even night runner stories are scarce.  With stima, you can do what you do in your house in Nairobi at night. Watch TV and have all your devices on, tracking trending news.

Since it is a single TV set, my nephews hog it watching one action series after another. On this night, after a long day transplanting veggies in the hot sun, I really needed a stiff drink and a good movie to wind down my day. My nephew insisted the series, he had selected was ‘dope’. I find his taste in entertainment appalling but I was trying to keep an open mind.

I should have read a book. The storyline was going nowhere. The plot was bland, the characters one-dimensional and I wondered why anyone would go through this sort of punishment in the name of entertainment. We ended up enduring the series to trash it, as we do with some Nollywood movies, that are so bad, that they are good. Then a scene came on, and our redeeming actor who played a reckless fun seeker, dragged two high, giggling, women with svelte bodies for a steamy romp in bed. After a few lines of cocaine.

My nephew turned to me and asked, “Is this the kind of fun you guys used to have?”

Danger Comes In Cute Packages

Female criminals behind bars on TV are typecast as ugly, butch and foul mouthed. So it was pleasant reversal when Langata Women’s prison in Nairobi held an annual beauty pageant. The winner was stunning and a sight for sore eyes, until I looked up her back story. Two months earlier, she had been incarcerated for stabbing her boyfriend 22 times to death. A classic case of fatal attraction.

Yet, I still found myself empathising with her. Like most men, I am socialised to shower female inmates who pass for attractive with pity. Where there is clear evidence of premeditated murder, my instinct is to explain it away as a crime of passion and an act of self-defence. She must have been wronged and provoked to anger. Why else would such an angelic face deliberately dice up her lover?