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Most Girls Don’t Realize That Farmers Are Closet Romantics

A look at how farmers are the best men left standing.

For most, describing farmers as romantic is a stretch of the imagination. The image of a farmer evokes scenarios filled with manure, livestock and guys in gumboots who rarely take showers and appear broke.

This is a pity because beneath the perceived grime, farmers have an immense potential to be top-notch romantics. Women who just want a manly man should consider giving farmers a second glance. Granted, it is rare to find popular lotharios or romantics who farm and are celebrated as great lovers. These tend to be drawn from the ranks of rulers, noble men, writers, poets, politicians, actors and are typical alpha male figures. The popularized accounts of Western heart throbs, such as Romeo, Marc Anthony, Don Juan, Marquis de Sade and today’s Brad Pritt and Barrack Obama illustrate that society still associates romance with wealth, sophistication and power.  Many centuries after the appearance of chivalrous knights on horseback, courtship remains a theatre for grand gestures.

The quest of love in these contemporary times is wrapped in idealism which is good for business but bad for relationships. Chocolate remains an overpriced delicacy tagged to the sentimentality of love. The genius who conjured up the analogy of love as something as precious and lasting as diamonds should shoulder most of the blame for the misery men endure to prove their worth. The consequence of this illusion spurned an industry for women publications that specialize in the lucrative quest of “How to find to a good man”. Before the love merchants meddled with courtship, no man had to buy a magazine to find out want women wanted. A secure home is no longer good enough since Play boy magazine hit the stands.

Every era produces a new male ideal and buffed men always rule. The classic Adonis morphed into trigger happy model Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 80s and several versions thereafter. It was all about brawn and the man with the bigger chest got noticed. Metro sexuals brought upon us those hideous skinny jeans and enjoyed the spotlight for an uninspired moment and we are all glad the fashion gods came to their senses.  Heads of State, Billionaire celebrities and Royals, festooned in elegant tailored suits seem to be the flavor of the moment.

When you place the advertised ideal against eligible ordinary men, the contrast is so huge, it is depressing. It is no wonder many women conclude, that all the good guys are taken. Too many women keep hankering after elusive lovers while what they should be looking for are simple lovers. Simplicity and practicality which are the most common traits among farmers are often overlooked in the search for true love. Simplicity is what gives the three magic words, “I love you” power.

Currently the Green revolution is in vogue, yet farmers continue to be snubbed for men in perceived glamorous professions. There should be an easier way around this selection process.  A man’s occupation affects his personality which directly reflects on his love life. I mean, football coaches are not known to be good listeners. A man who throws tantrums after losing a game is bound to get unruly when things do not go his way in a relationship. Politicians will exaggerate and promise things they can’t deliver. Lawyers are manipulative and they never speak in straight sentences which must be bad for communication.

The suited urban male is stressed, neurotic, compulsive and obsessed with money. It just what city living does to one. But women should not despair for out in the fields there exist men who are strong, ambitious, steady, contemplative, relaxed and ready for protect you against creepy crawlers.

Farmers exhibit most of the traits a modern woman seeks. They work with the seasons, display insight and great deduction skills. Life is all about timing and scheduling for they understand the natural rhythms. A causal glance at the sky and he says something as thoughtful as ‘darling, it will rain later, you might want to pack a jacket”.  Farmers tend to be healthy and full energy. It is hard to find an overweight farmer. They do chores, they care and they share. They are delicate because their lives are all about protecting, appreciating and sheltering the plant and animal life that is under their watch. When those skills are applied in a relationship, harmony and happiness become regular bedfellows. Success in relationship is measured not by over the top gestures but by daily devotion. This remains the simple secret that places farmers ahead of the pack. Therefore next time you are stuck on the side of the road out in the rural areas and a man in cranky tractor shows up to the rescue, perk up! for your diamond in the rough will have arrived.

 


 

Oyunga Pala is a Kenyan newspaper columnist. The blog examines the texture of everyday Kenyan life and the challenges of modernity and disillusion. The writings commonly feature the struggle of the Kenyan male to maintain integrity in contemporary society.

24 Comments

  1. So moving to shags got you talking about the somber mood that village brings especially in a valentine season? If I didn’t know any better I would say, the farmer who inspired this piece might share a lot with the author, a name and everything. But then again, that’s just one man’s opinion. For what it’s worth this is a great piece and I say this after reading it twice.

    • Mtu hapa alikua anajitetea. Village belles are no longer “doing it” for him and he is trying to woo a city lass who still needs bright lights and all the accompaniments.hehehe
      Great piece….made me all nostalgic lakini I remain a City Gal at heart….

  2. You may have a point there! It should be all about keeping it simple, about daily devotion. . . . though a few over the top gestures once in a while are also welcome 🙂

  3. The last time I checked, you retreated to Gem and became a farmer.Shall I call this self agitation,for lack of a right word?Just asking 🙂

    • Call it self promotion

    • Pascal, I couldn’t agree more with you. The man just put himself out there….in the market! Anyway, the line ‘darling, it will rain later, you might want to pack a jacket” just made me start looking for my farmer

  4. Goodness me, what a pleasant read {despite having re-read it severally}.

    Can I quote a coupla lines? Yes.
    Let’s see…Suited urban male being neurotic and compulsive. Every era redefining the male ideal. Hard to find an overweight farmer {LOL}. Popularized accounts of Western heart throbs. Women hankering over elusive lovers.

    Pleasant, simply pleasant.

    You’re right: simplicity is what gives it power.

    Simplicity. Is. What. Gives. It. Power.

  5. Well well well. Now that’s food for thought. Man, there is nothing that would make me happier than being your apprentice. The message here is magnetic. Well in Mr. Pala.

  6. This awesome blog is obviously entertaining and besides factual. I have picked up a lot of interesting advices out of this amazing blog. I’d love to go back every once in a while. Thanks a bunch!

  7. Kimathi Njuguna

    Hehe..so head out there, career on hold and just grab yself a farmer.sit by the fire and discuss crop as yr naked babies eat dirt.thats what’s up. Oyunga pala anakudanganya in very pretty language halafu akucheke! 🙂

    • Anonymous

      he he he “sit by the fire and discuss crop as your naked baby eat dirt” made my day

  8. Thanks for the post! 🙂

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  10. Dayvee Vuvu

    Hi OP, ever thought of PR can see signs of a farmer bringing light to the land

  11. This is a great piece, i get what your selling here about simplicity and how daily devotion being what counts…we spend too much time reading many self help books but maybe we’re missing the mark of going back to the basics

  12. steve biko

    Great piece really makes us reminsce on those days when there was no mag to tell us 10 things about women,sex,romance and the list is endless… when simplicity ruled … awesome write!!!

  13. Kev Michira

    I agree with you totally. Most farmers are indeed closet romantics, check these soap operas that our women are so hooked onto. The setting is mostly in a hasienda(ranch). Suffice to say that farmers are the ones who live the life we read in mills and boons. You know the three kids and a picket fence? That’s the life.
    OP…I Love your stuff.

    • Thanks Kev for dropping by. The latino soaps are mostly set on ranches, with the lead guys living as farmers who serve as the last bastion of masculinity. You are right, the romantic association of the Mills and Boons cowboys ( dudes who live on a farm) still lingers on.

  14. mmmmmmm….definitely food for thought,a very nice article OP !

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